ADVICE: AUNTIE AGNI

Hi Auntie,
I am a 25-year-old confused young man from a humble background, who is currently studying. My query may seem unusual, but it’s something I need to address. I have been in a relationship with a girl for almost three years now.
It was exactly three years ago when we last saw each other face-to-face. Since then, I’ve been given excuses whenever I suggest meeting up. Interestingly, we have never spoken on the phone and she rarely sends me voice messages. However, when I ask her for pictures and videos, she doesn’t refuse. I believe she loves me as much as I love her.
The issue is that I am a CSS aspirant, preparing to appear in the exams in 2025. Our relationship has now reached a point where her family demands that I clear CSS or else forget about her. This behaviour from her family has left me completely confused. I am unable to study properly and my study schedule is in disarray. My girlfriend also pressures me, insisting that I must clear CSS at any cost.
Amidst all this chaos, how can I focus on my studies? I fear losing both her and failing the exam. I can’t bear such a big loss. How can I come out of this dilemma? Please help me out.
Dear Confused,
I can see how this issue can seem overwhelming. However, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on a few important things.
First, the fact that you haven’t met this person face-to-face in three years and have never even spoken on the phone should be a big red flag. Relationships are built on trust, communication and mutual effort, and it seems like there’s an imbalance here. You’re putting in a lot of emotional energy, but is it being reciprocated in a meaningful way?
Second, the pressure you’re feeling from her family and her about clearing the CSS exam is unfair. Your career and academic path should be driven by your own ambitions, not by ultimatums from this girl or someone else’s family. The CSS exam is a major challenge and the added emotional stress isn’t helping. If her love is conditional on you passing this exam, is that the kind of relationship you want to be in?
It’s time to prioritise yourself and your goals. The CSS exam is a demanding process and it requires your full attention. Don’t let this relationship derail your hard work and future prospects. If she truly loves you, she should support you without imposing such unrealistic demands.
Take a break from this emotional turmoil, focus on your studies and ask yourself some hard questions about whether this relationship is really worth the toll it’s taking on you. Your future should be built on your aspirations, not on pressure or fear of loss.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: [email protected]
Published in Dawn, EOS, October 20th, 2024